Five Ways To Be A Successful Husband

1 Pet 3.7-9[1]

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[Jeremy Taylor once said, “He that loves not his wife and children breeds a lioness at home and broods a nest of sorrows.”[2]] 

[Adrian Rogers once said, “The problem with many homes in our day is drop-out dads, who are failing to honor their god given roles and responsibilities within their families.”] 

[Adrian Rogers once said, “One of the best things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”] 

A.    Be Intimate With Your Wife (vs 7) [– Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them . . . - Men your wife longs to be intimate with you.  It is the deepest need of her heart and therefore is one of her deepest desires.  To your wife, intimacy means that your marriage is meaningful and secure.  Wives, your husbands want to make you happy and fulfill your deepest needs, but this word intimacy is likely one of the most difficult words for most men to understand.  A man trying to understand intimacy is like most women trying to understand the mechanical operation of her husband’s Harley Davidson.] 

[Notice the phrase “dwell with them” this phrase expresses what women know to be a natural and important element for a healthy marriage.  It is speaking of this intimacy.] 

[Dwell - συνοικοῦντες (Gk) - contracted sunoikó̄, fut. sunoiké̄sō, from sún (4862), together with, and oikéō (3611), to dwell. To dwell with someone, as husband and wife, cohabit (1 Pet. 3:7).^[3] ] 

[What Is Intimacy?  Men the word intimate comes from a Latin word that means “inmost.”  It speaks of knowing someone deeply.  It means to enter into the life of another person.] 

[Most men, when they hear the word intimate, automatically think about sex.  But this is not the only thing that intimacy is really all about.  Wives get frustrated when their husbands misunderstand what they mean by intimacy.  Men, you do not want your wife to be frustrated?  If you want to have peace and fulfillment in your home then you need to understand this thing called intimacy.] 

[Dr. Adrian Rogers noted that there are five types of intimacy.] 

1.      [Verbal Intimacy – Talk to your wife.  Don’t just talk about the surface stuff (weather, kids, neighbors), talk deeply with your wife.  Shared your secrets, hopes, dreams, and plans.] 

2.      [Emotional Intimacy – Laughing together, crying together, sharing heartaches, joys and fears.] 

3.      [Intellectual Intimacy – Share your ideas and interests in books, theology, and politics.] 

4.      [Social Intimacy – Have the same friends, enjoy the same kinds of recreation and hobbies.] 

5.      [Physical Intimacy – Where two become one.] 

B.     Be Insightful of Your Wife (vs 7; Gal 3.27-29) [- Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, . . . – Men you need to be understanding of your wife.  You need to understand what God reveals about the value and purpose of your wife.  You need to be insightful of your wife.] 

[God reveals in the Bible that men and women are equal! But not identical!] 

[Galatians 3:27-29 ²⁷ For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. ²⁸ There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. ²⁹ And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.]

[In the eyes of God men and women have equal worth or value.  The distinction between the sexes has nothing to do with equality; we have equal worth but distinct and different functions.] 

[When we talk about equal worth but different function we might think about the difference between an axe and a porcelain tea cup.  What are the differences?  They are both valuable, but they have different functions.  They are both valuable, but they have different strengths.  They are both valuable, but they have different purposes.] 

[The differences between men and women include,] 

1.      [God designed man to be the initiator and the women to be the responder.  Men don’t ever get tired of getting things going, it is a part of your God-given role.  Men be nurturing leaders in your marriage.  Don’t command but guide.  Don’t demand but initiate.] 

2.      [Men tend to think logically; women tend to think emotionally.  Have you ever thought that you and your wife were using the same words but were speaking different languages?  This is because a man is thinking with his head and a wife is thinking with her heart.  Men think facts, women think feelings.] 

3.      [Men tend to be doers; women tend to be “be”-ers.  A man is goal oriented, with his greatest fulfillment found in his work; a women’s greatest fulfillment is found in her home and her relationships.] 

4.      [Men tend to be silent, women tend to talk.] 

5.      [Men tend to look for success; women tend to look for security.] 

C.    Give Increase To Your Wife (vs 7) [- Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; . . . – Two words come immediately to mind from this text Promotion and Protection.  The best way to understand the promotion that a husband ought to give his wife is to view her as God views her.] 

[How does God see your wife?  Notice the phrase, . . . as being heirs together of the grace of life . . . God sees your wife as one of His adopted and divine children.  That makes your wife a child of the King of kings.  Your wife is a divine princess.  Men you had better treat your wife the way your Heavenly Father would treat her.] 

[What are some things you can do to Promote your wife?] 

1.      [Put her on a pedestal.  Lift her up, encourage her, build her self-esteem.] 

2.      [Let your children know how much you love and honor her.] 

3.      [Praise her in front of her friends. Praise her publicly.] 

4.      [Verbalize your praise to her.  Let her know how much you appreciate her.] 

5.      [Praise her not only for her physical charm and beauty, but also for her character traits.] 

[I have already failed – Some husband’s are thinking, well I messed up, I let my circumstances drive me and I have failed to promote and protect my wife as I should have and now it’s just too late.  It is never too late!  If you have allowed your children to see you  humiliate and belittle your wife, then you gather your children together.  Tell them you were wrong, ask for their forgiveness, and ask them to help you promote and protect their mother and your wife like you ought to, because it is the right thing to do.] 

[A husband who will promote and protect his wife, treating her as God would treat her, will find a happy home with a happy wife and a happy family.  A man who fails to do this will find a lioness in his home, and a mad one at that.] 

D.    Be Interested In Your Wife (vs 7) [- Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. – Now there is no sign of intimacy like that of a sincere interest in one’s wife.  Husband’s nothing will help you to know your wife more than simply praying with your wife.  People who sincerely pray together will know each other with depth.  So, husband’s can show no greater interest in their wife than when they pray with them.  This indicates that a husband is taking the spiritual leadership of his family seriously.] 

[Men you are the initiator, you are also the spiritual leader of your home.  Your wife wants you to show an interest in your families spiritual well being.  Be the spiritual leader you were made to be.] 

[Why does a man find it hard to pray with his wife? God made man to be the protector and provider, therefore he’s built with a kind of hard outer shell.  But men don’t allow your masculinity to keep you from being a man who takes an interest in his family’s spiritual well-being.] 

[Why does a women desire to pray with her husband?] 

1.      [It’s an affirmation of her; it speaks of equality and trust.] 

2.      [It says that her husband recognizes her as a spiritual equal.] 

3.      [It says that her husband acknowledges and has a genuine interest in her spiritual growth.] 

4.      [It says that her husband has time for her.] 

5.      [It says that she is a part of her husband’s spiritual life.] 

6.      [It says that her husband desires to have spiritual leadership in their home.] 

7.      [It says that her husband is tending to his duties as the spiritual leader.] 

E.     Be Inseparable From Your Wife (vs 8-9; Gen 2.23-24)  [- Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: ⁹ Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. – When God brought Eve to Adam, Adam said,] 

[Genesis 2:23-24 ²³ And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. ²⁴ Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.]

[To be one flesh means to be inseparably bound together.  God intends for a husband and wife to be one.  Our text reveals four things that will undeniably mark such a union,]

1.      [Compassion – The word compassion literally means “with feeling.”  Men, show some feeling toward your wife.  Marriage often seems to callous us or harden us with time.  Men do not be callous toward your wife.  Let her know that you love her and feel for her.] 

2.      [Love as Brethren -  φιλαδελφοι (Gk) - from phílos (5384), friend, and adelphós (80), brother. Loving one’s brother, brotherly affectionate. In a wider sense it meant love of one’s fellow countrymen. In the strictly Christian sense of loving as brothers. Philádelphoi (pl.) sums up the bearing of Christians to each other, and the adj. which follow describe what their behavior should be (1 Pet. 3:8).^[4]]

[Martin Luther once said, “The Christian is supposed to love his neighbor, and since his wife is his nearest neighbor, she should be his deepest love.”[5]] 

[The sad truth of many marriages is that husbands and wives often treat their neighbors and friends better than they treat their spouses.  This ought never to be.  Husbands love your wife and treat your wife better than you would treat any of your friends, work relations, or associations.  This ought to be true for wives as well.]  

3.      [Be Pitiful – This means when your wife hurts, you ought to hurt.  When your wife cries, you ought to cry.  When your wife laughs, you ought to laugh.  This speaks of being touch by each others feelings and emotions.  This is just the opposite of what the normal man wants to do when things get to emotional.  Most men want to go out to the garage and work on the Harley when the wife is getting out the tissues.  Men be touched by your wife’s feelings.] 

4.      [Be Courteous – To be courteous is just to love in the little things.  It is the little things that reveal how much a man honors his wife.] 

CrossRoads Baptist, June 28, 2009

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