we studied, Five Keys To Be a Successful Husband, in that message
we discovered what God reveals in His living and life changing Word to
help Husband’s nurture their
relationship with their wife, and make their home a little bit more like
heaven here on earth. In
that message we discovered that a Husband needed to,]
[Be Intimate with his wife.]
[Be Insightful of his wife]
[Give Increase to his wife]
[Be Interested in his wife
[Be Inseparable from his wife]
[If a man
will work on those five things in his marriage, then he will be doing
the right things to bring joy, happiness, and peace into his home.
His children will see the changes that will take place and their
attitudes and character will begin to change as they see the difference
that God’s plan will bring into their parents relationship.
Men your home can be a harbor of happiness if you will strive to
improve your relationship with your wife.]
you need to know that your husband cannot transform your home on his
own. You must do your part,
and God is equally revealing about what every home needs of a wife and
mother. Our study today
will strive to reveal those things that a women needs to do, according
to God’s Word, to be a successful wife.]
[Illustration - A Wife's Humility]
the meek: for they shall inherit the earth" (Matt.
[A drunkard husband spending the evening with his
jovial companions at a tavern boasted that if he should take a group of
his friends home with him at midnight and ask his Christian wife to get
up and cook supper for them, she would do it without complaint. The
crowd considered it a vain boast and dared him to try it by a
considerable wager. So the drunken crowd went home with him and he made
the unreasonable demands of his wife. She obeyed, dressed, came down,
and prepared a very nice supper just as quickly as possible and served
it as cheerfully as if she had been expecting them. ]
[After supper one of the men, a little more sober than
the others, asked her how she could be so kind when they had been so
unreasonable, and, also when they knew she did not approve of their
conduct. Her reply was, "Sir, when my husband and I were married, we
were both sinners. It has pleased God to call me out of that dangerous
condition. My husband remains in it. I tremble for his future state.
Were he to die as he is, he will be miserable forever; I think it my
duty to render his present existence as comfortable as possible." This
wise and faithful reply affected the whole company. The husband thanked
her for the warning, and became a serious Christian and a good husband.]
[The five things we are about to draw out of God’s
Word will help a wife to be successful in her home whether her husband
is striving to be the godly husband he needs to be or not.
I am often approached by good Christian women, whose husbands are
not saved or have wandered away from the Church and God, they ask, “What
should I do with my husband who is living such an ungodly life in our
home?” The Bible is clear
and speaks loudly,
1 Likewise, ye wives,
be in subjection to
your own husbands;
that, if any
obey not the word,
they also may
without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold
your chaste conversation
coupled with fear. ]
10 And unto the married I
command, yet not I, but
the Lord, Let not the wife depart from
11 But and if she depart, let
her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to
her husband: and let
not the husband put away his
wife. 12 But to the rest
speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not,
and she be pleased to dwell with him,
let him not put her away. 13
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and
if he be pleased to dwell with her,
let her not leave him. 14
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and
the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your
children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving
depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in
such cases: but God
hath called us to peace. 16
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save
thy husband? or how
knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save
[Now, I do not believe that anyone should remain in a
physically abusive situation, but spiritual abuse is not physical abuse
and God is undeniably clear.
In both of these texts godly Christian’s are to remain with
ungodly spouses because their spouses and family may one day get saved.
Is this a hard reality to live out in one’s life?
Yes it is, but it is God’s clear direction to all of us.]
Works - My point here is simple, God’s plan for a successful home
will work to transform your home if you trust God and execute His plan
in your family and marriage. Husbands, implement the five keys to be a
successful husband and your home will change.
Wives implement these five keys to being a successful wife and
your home will change.
However, if you get discouraged, and either do nothing, or do all the
worldly things you see in our culture (On those soap opera’s, or hear
about on doctor Phil) rather than what God reveals that you should do;
you will get the world’s results.
What are the world’s results?]
[Short lived situational ethics and happiness]
[Broken relationships and divided homes]
[Sexual immorality and impurity]
[Despair and despondency in your life]
[God’s way works! The world’s way fails.
Now which way will you choose to go?]
A Godly Wife
Confirm God’s Plan For Her Family (vs 1, 5; Eph 5.21-24; Prov 31.30)
[– Likewise, ye wives,
be in subjection to
your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without
the word be won by the conversation of the wives; . . .
5 For after this manner in the
old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves,
being in subjection unto their own husbands: - What is God’s plan
for your family. God has
planned order for your family.
As a godly woman you must agree with God and cooperate with his
plan for your home.]
[A reminder to
men – Men you should never say, “You have to obey me” or “You have
to submit to me” to your wife.
If you feel like you have to say this to your wife then you had
better look inside yourself, because it is likely that your pride is
driving you to this idea, and pride always results in a hard fall.
Your wife likely knows what the Bible says, and if she is a
Christian she already wants to be right with God.]
order in your home – The late great Adrian Rogers used to say,
“Anything with no head is dead, and anything with two heads is a freak.”
Everything needs structure and order, including your home.
The Bible says,]
21 Submitting yourselves one to
another in the fear of God. 22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the
head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is
the saviour of the body. 24
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so
let the wives
be to their own
husbands in every thing. ]
[When God says that the man is the head of the wife
God is not talking
about the value of the man or woman, he is talking about the structure
of your home. In the
message to husbands we discovered that
God values both
men and women equally in His family.
While our Heavenly Fathers sees equal value between the sexes He
does not view men and women as identical. The Bible says,]
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell
with them according to
knowledge, giving honour unto the wife,
as unto the
weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of
life; that your prayers be not hindered.]
[Men and women are not the same, according to God’s
design. Men are stronger,
women are weaker. What does
stronger a crow bar or a table fork?
Which do you typically use more?
But they are both important and valuable in
[Wives, you need to agree with God about the structure
he has placed within your home.
You also need to understand your personal value in Christ and
your home, and recognize your husband’s value in Christ and your home.
Your children need to see God’s plan and structure lived out
joyfully and peacefully in your home.]
and Queens – In our study for Husbands we
discovered that your husband needed to recognize you as the queen of
your home. Wife, you also
need to recognize your husband as the king of your home.
recognize and treat your wife as your queen and she will find it easy to
treat you as a king. Wife,
if your husband does not treat you as a queen, you still need to treat
him as a king, trusting God that your husband will be
transformed by your honor toward him and will then begin to treat you as
when a wife confirms God’s plan for her family?]
bring God’s blessings into your home – Obeying God is always the
right thing to do, and God responds to your obedience.]
give your Husband something different to respond to – Perhaps there
hasn’t been much peace or joy in your home.
Maybe, a wife has not been honoring her husband as she ought;
because her husband is not a godly man or hasn’t treated his wife right.
If a wife will start confirming God’s plan in her home she will
give her husband something different to respond to and he may change
himself. Whether your
husband responds to your obedience toward God or not, you will never go
wrong going God’s way.]
demonstrate your dedication to your Lord – The Bible says,]
is deceitful, and
beauty is vain:
woman that feareth the
LORD, she shall be praised. ]
[Nothing will increase a woman’s value more than her dedication and
purity toward our Lord Jesus Christ.
Many have said, beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to
the bone. Nothing will make
you more beautiful than having a heart fully given to God and a
character that reflects the Lord Jesus Christ.]
[Wives, when you confirm God’s plan for your family, in word and in
deed, you will find yourself one step closer to being a successful wife
in God’s kingdom.]
Cherish Her Family (Eph 5.33; Prov 31.10-12) [–
A godly wife and mother will deeply cherish her family.]
defines Cherish as 1 a :
to hold dear : feel
or show affection for
*cherished her friends* b :
to keep or cultivate with
care and affection
: NURTURE *cherishes his
marriage* 2 : to entertain or
harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely
*still cherishes that memory*]
[When I think of a woman cherishing her husband and
family I think of a woman who
protects and promotes
her husband and her family.]
is a woman who,]
Protect her husband and families reputation – She
affectionately speaks of her husband and family and never speaks a
dishonoring or despairing word about her family.
This is a woman who understands the hurt that can be caused by
the wrong words and she cherishes her family too much to speak an ill
word about her family in public.]
[Cares enough to
Promote her husband and family – This godly woman will
constantly edify (build up) and encourage her husband and family.
She will strive to elevate their self esteem, especially with
things seem to be down.
This woman realizes that the whole world is trying to tear her husband
and family down, but she has decided that she will purposefully build
[Cares enough to
Praise her husband and family – This godly woman will realize
that she is the chief cheer leader for her husband and family.
If she does not cheer her family on in life, then nobody else
will. Every team needs
cheer leaders, including your home.]
Big Head Syndrome – When I have suggested to wives that they need to
protect, promote, and praise
their husbands I typically and often get about the same response.
They might say, “Preacher, if I do that then my husband will have
such a big head he won’t be able to get through the front door.”
Ladies, you need to change your minds.
You are the only
cheer leader in this world for your husband, and he needs
a cheer leader. If you
follow this reasoning and fail to cherish your husband then you will see
his discouragement and you will find despair in your home.
If you fail to
cherish your husband then it is likely that some seductive wench is out
there who will and you will find your home a divided home.
A Godly successful wife must cherish her husband and family.
Ladies, you will never find
yourself able to over inflate your husbands ego, there are just to many
in our world who are working to tear him down.
You cherish your
[Biblical evidence that a wife must cherish her
Husband and family includes,]
33 Nevertheless let every one of
you in particular so love his wife even as himself;
and the wife
see that she reverence
(5401), fear. To put in fear, terrify, frighten. In the Class. Gr., to
cause to run away. In the NT, only in the mid.
phoboúmai), aor. pass.
and fut. pass.
meaning particularly to become fearful, afraid, terrified.
This word sound a lot
like our English word phobia meaning fear.]
[I do not believe that the intension here is
that the women should fear their husband but they must honor and respect
their husbands. Ladies, if
you will not honor and respect your husband, by cherishing him, then
you had better fear the distress your lack of a cherishing heart toward
him will bring into your home and family.
A discouraged and despondent husband will result is a gloomy
[Notice how a virtuous women’s husband will
view his wife,]
10 Who can find a virtuous
woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of
her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need
of spoil. 12 She will do
him good and not evil all the days of her life.]
godly, successful wife must cherish her husband and her home.]
Clothe Your Family (Prov 31.13-17; Titus 2.1-5) [- This deals
with the day to day domestic affairs of a woman’s home.
The Bible says,]
13 She seeketh wool, and flax,
and worketh willingly with her hands. 14
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food
from afar. 15 She riseth
also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a
portion to her maidens. 16
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she
planteth a vineyard. 17 She
girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. ]
[Now look at,]
2:1-5 1 But speak thou
the things which become sound doctrine:
2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in
faith, in charity, in patience. 3
The aged women likewise, that
they be in behaviour as
becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers
of good things; 4
That they may
teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their
To be discreet, chaste,
keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the
word of God be not blasphemed. ]
[Our society today screams out in rebellion toward
God’s plan and structure for the family.
Especially this part of it.
Women today often say,
“I will not be
Others might say, “Woman ought to have a career just as a man has a
career.” In saying this
they imply that somehow true meaning in life is found in the workforce
and in fulfilling a successful career.]
Truth About A Career – A career or job is only fulfilling in
life while it is worked.
Many have dedicated their lives to a career only to retire, and to
realize shortly after retirement that the business they dedicated their
lives to seemed to forget them almost as soon as they walked out the
door into retirement. A job
is not eternal in nature. A
job is merely a means to the end of providing support for the family.
It brings a provision to the table but it cannot bring lasting
meaning to ones life or the home.]
About A Family -
Everything that mother’s and father’s do with their families is
potentially eternal in duration.
If a godly mother nurtures and builds godly character in her
children, which can only be accomplished through
extensive time and
commitment, then that godly character will last into eternity.
There is nothing
more meaningful than what a wife and mother can do for her family by
making her family her career.]
Home Is A Fulltime Job – Look again at all this virtuous woman in
proverbs thirty-one (31) did for her family.]
works with her hands (vs 13) -
She seeketh wool, and flax, and
worketh willingly with her hands.]
cooked delicious food (vs 14) –
She is like the merchants' ships;
she bringeth her food from afar.]
sacrificed for her home and more (vs 15) -
She riseth also while it is yet
night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.]
secured her home (vs 16) –
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she
planteth a vineyard.]
was strength for her home (vs 17) -
She girdeth her loins with
strength, and strengtheneth her arms.]
Godly, successful wives make their house into a home.
Men provide great caves, women turn caves into homes.
Comfort Her Family (Prov 31.26-27) [- When we looked at the keys
to a successful husband we noted that men and women have a very
different make up within them.
We noted that men are logical and normally think with their
minds, while women are more emotional and think with their hearts.
This is why men and women may often be using the same words but saying
something very different.
Wives you need to realize that while men desire to be a comfort for
their families they usually struggle in this regard.]
comfort - The comfort a man gives is very different from the
comfort a woman gives. A
man gives the comfort of security and physical strength to his family.
A woman gives the comfort of compassion and emotional strength to
her family. Ladies,
wouldn’t you agree that logic is a poor comforter in many situations.
A man does not mean to be cold and logical, but that is just what
most men are.]
[Notice what Proverbs thirty-one reveals about this
31:26-27 26 She openeth
her mouth with wisdom;
and in her
tongue is the law of
kindness. 27 She
looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of
[A godly successful woman is the primary source of
compassion and comfort for her husband and home.
A husband will learn much about comfort and compassion from his
do we know about a godly wife’s comfort?]
[Her comfort will give counsel and guidance (Prov 31.26) -
She openeth her mouth with
wisdom; – Her comfort is permeated with godly wisdom and truth.
She does not let her heart rule her purity.]
[Her comfort will be tender and
kind (Prov 31.26) - and in
her tongue is the law
of kindness.–Reaching out to the heart more than the mind.]
comfort will nurture and encourage
(Prov 31.27) -
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread
of idleness – She does not just sit by in neglect she is actively
involved in her home and family, striving to lead them in the right ways
through compassion and counsel.]
Convince Her Family (Prov 31.28; 14.1) [– If there is anything
that will establish your children in their resolve concerning right and
wrong it is the example of a godly, successful wife and mother.
Notice what the Bible says,]
28 Her children arise up, and
call her blessed; her husband
also, and he praiseth her.]
[Get a child
and husband to rise up and call a woman blessed and you find children
and a husband who have been convinced by the life and example of a godly
woman that life is worth living when the Lord Jesus Christ is a part of
your life. If a husband and
family would praise their mother then they will likely willingly adopt
the faith and character of their mother and wife.]
successful wife and mother has the power to shape her husband, home and
heritage by the life that she lives and the counsel that she gives.]
1 Every wise woman buildeth her
house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. ]
CrossRoads Baptist, July 12, 2009